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WARNING - Not for those of a sensitive disposition.
Kinga (BB) is one of the saddest people I have ever seen on telly and Craig is not far behind for encouraging her. It was degrading but also, on a serious note, dangerous. Performing, as she did, with an open bottle, could allow a vacuum to form which would cause the focus of her performance to be sucked down, or - supposing the bottle had broken.............
Meanwhile, back in the banal world of Midwifemuse. Wallpaper is decided upon, carpets and kitchen units have been chosen and estimates dispatched, cleaners (redistributers of soot) have finished and builders start work on Monday.
Meetings have been held with Managers and colleagues, no remedies were forthcoming but having a group moan was enjoyable. I have stuck to my guns, more or less, and will be taking my holiday whilst only going in to cover once.
At the weekend one of my ladies gave birth at home, and her Husband delivered the baby with the midwife arriving 5 minutes after the baby girl was born. Everything was fine, as is generally the case with a quick labour, and he now really has something to tell his friends!
Jack is changing so quickly now. He has stopped shouting all the time and now says things with meaning. Daddy, MumMum, Grandad, NanNan, Amy, Cat and Thankyou are the most easily understandable but everyday new words are taking shape. Amy is the little girl from the rhyme 'when she is good she is really, really good, but when she is bad she is horrid'. One minute she is laughing and babbling, the next she is in full scream, clenched fists, red face and tears flowing down her cheeks. She still feeds 3 hourly plus through the day, but then sleeps 10 hours at night. We have still not managed to find a teat that she will accept easily, every try does seem to reap better results though. Being a Grandmother is the best thing yet.
Last weekend was Hubby's and mine anniversary, I was working so didn't celebrate and two days before was Sister's. This weekend is also her birthday so on Saturday we are all going out to a curryhouse that also has a dance floor, food for the men, bopping for the women, everyone is catered for, promises to be a good night.
Water, water everywhere
The time - 11pm.
The place - Rented house, just picked Hubby up from pub.
Phone rings. Eldest daughter, 'have you picked Dad up from the pub?' ( Her other half is in Ireland on a stag do.)
Yes. Why?
I heard a noise in the bathroom, took the panel off the bath, and one of the pipes is spurting.
Okay, we're on our way.
10 minutes later sees Hubby lying on the bathroom floor, fiddling with the pipe. Couldn't turn off the mains supply 'cos a plumber did a bodge job and left the stop-cock wheel off. Suddenly there is the sound of water rushing, yes, he had broken the connection. In true midwife style I demanded towels, threw them all over the bathroom floor and then ran to her next door neighbour (he's a plumber).
5 minutes later it's all under control, leaking pipe fixed.
1 hour later all the water has been sponged-up.
Home at 1.30pm, so much for an early night.
Breaking up
No, not me, my car. She has been making odd noises when I brake so I took her to my not so friendly Central Tyre (oh for a Kwik Fit). My front brake pads are down to the metal (grim look) and my rear bearing has 'gone'. They will have to order in the pads, but can't touch the bearing in case it all falls apart? Mrs Simple here asked if I could book it in for the brake pads tomorrow as I'm off to Oxford this afternoon. I was made to feel that a journey to Oxford would be as fraught with danger as the shuttle re-entry, and probably more likely to lead to disaster, 'Your brakes won't make it to Oxford'. 'Do it then, but I do need my car by 1pm'. This is apparently a difficult thing to arrange because the delivery guy may 'forget' to drop off my new pads. Why are things so b****y difficult? I'm a customer, paying for a service, but a delivery man may forget to drop off something. I can just imagine if I said to one of my ladies that I may forget to visit her, all hell would let loose, phone calls would be made to managers, I would be hauled over the coals, and back again, and the suggestion would be put, quite forcibly, that I was not up to the job. Why do they employ someone who is obviouly in the habit of forgetting to deliver the essentials for their job? Also, (now I'm on a roll) why am made to feel that I should be grateful to them for doing a job they are being paid for?
Get Craig out of the house.
Sunny Days
The builders are here! Yes, they have finally started and it's amazing how positive someone smashing tiles in my kitchen can make me feel. It's like when you have been looking forward to going on holiday, you've got to the airport, checked in, waited hours and then your flight comes up on the monitors as boarding. That's me, I'm just going to the gate to board. Hurrah.
Jack's Mummy went back to work last night. She is working at the same unit as me, it's happened before, and didn't cause problems, so hopefully it will be okay this time. She actually applied 12 weeks ago, had her interview 10 weeks ago, but is has taken until now for personnel to clear her. They were waiting for a second reference. Fair enough, except that the reference they had was from the Head of Midwifery, but that wasn't sufficient. Forget the fact that the unit were desperate, that she knew the unit so could walk straight in and do the job, all the boxes had to be ticked. She's sleeping now (I hope) so I don't know how it went, doubtless I will be told later.
Jack and Amy 
It's getting exciting. All the wallpaper is stripped now. The ceilings are being painted (white), the undercoat (barley white) is going on the wood work. A metamorphosis is happening
Went to the local auction yesterday, and bought an oak dresser for £32. It's years since I've been and I had forgotten how exciting it is as your lot approaches, tummy gets all squirmy. Picked it up today and saw some of the lots in next weeks sale, that's it, I'm hooked again.
The daughters, babies and I went for pub lunch yesterday. Afterwards we went to the playground where Jack made friends with a little boy. He proudly told us that he was 5, 'but good with babies'. So we left him to it. No, not really, but he was right, Jack had an amazing time with him.
Amy's Mummy is having problems with her cat bringing in presents (mice). Lily had never done this before but since Amy arrived she obviously feels the need to ingratiate herself. Generally they are hidden under the rug, and are dead, but last week she deposited a live one infront of breast-feeding Amy and Mum. Partner was summoned, but by the time he sauntered in the mouse had run into the kitchen and behind the oven. He pulled out the oven, turned it upside down and then discovered that said mouse was between the glass panels in the door. I would have left well alone at that point, relying upon the mouse coming out at some point. Not son-in-law, he took the door off, where upon the mouse ran out. What a saviour. Yes, except now their cooker doesn't work, at all. Not the oven, not the hob. P**t.
Good parent material???
Went to work yesterday to take all day parentcraft/antenatal class. Went into our office first, there were five midwives, interesting that three of us were officially on annual leave but had come in to help out because we are short-staffed. We are such idiots, the Trust know that we will do this so don't worry about recruiting. Have yet to speak to daughter, who worked a night-shift last night, but have feeling I may not be flavour of the month, mid afternoon I sent the person she was taking over from home. I didn't do it out of the kindness of my heart but because the woman fainted. I was just chatting when I saw H appear to crouch down and then continue in a downwards direction, hitting her head on the wall, until she was slumped on the floor. When she came round I asked her if she had fainted before, she had, that morning and on several other occasions recently. She had been to her G.P who had requested tests, but not signed her off! I sent her off to A&E and filled in an accident form. Poor woman and errant G.P.
Anyway, the class. Off we went talking about early labour, the signs etc., one guy looking somewhat squeamish. Progessed to labour, he went outside. Came back in in time to see a clip we put on babies head if we are having problems monitoring, off he went again. He was alright until we showed them forceps, then talked about episiotomy, then did a personnel mock-up of a Section. After lunch he reappeared and was fine whilst we discussed looking after a new baby, did seem a little concerned when we discussed the milk not coming in until about the third day, feels they should give baby a bottle. Chatted about the pros and cons of that approach, I'm not sure if we convinced him that it's not a good idea but he stopped questioning. Then came the real goody, I was chatting about avoiding the risk of cot death, and mentioned the recommendation that baby should sleep in your room until s/he is 6 months, with that he pipes up with ' That's the worst thing you've said all day'. It was as if time was suspended, I looked at the other midwife, who was also in suspended animation and then glanced around the group, they were all staring at him. A couple of seconds and everyone resumed breathing. Now, I'm quite worried, he's obviously not going to be able to be terribly supportive during labour and birth, but I'm not certain things will improve afterwards. Only time will tell.
Nature loving
There have been two positive sightings in the new, sterile, temporary domain I am currently inhabiting, on Tuesday Jack and I were plane-spotting in the garden, his favourite pastime, and overhead swept a Red Kite. It was beautiful with the sun catching and flashing off its red feathers. When I've seen them locally before they have always been quite high, so their beauty is less obvious, this one was low though and gave us a wonderful display. Then at dusk last night I was looking out of a bedroom window when something came swooping down and landed on a roof about 20 feet away and level with the window I was leaning out of, it was a little owl. Well, it was a small owl, whether it was a Little Owl I don't know but I was really happy to see a sight of nature in my current 'bijou' abode.
On a 'whoops' note, I have hoovered up my off-white carpet! I didn't do it deliberately, it just unravelled along a join, poor carpet laying, is my diagnosis.
Hubby has gone off on his golf weekend, and it's raining. Poor thing! I'm decorating the shower room in his absence, Lunar Dust is the favoured shade. The 'proper' decoraters are doing a great job in the rest of the house, except the kitchen which remains a soot encrusted hole. Patience is a virtue, and boy am I being virtuous.
Yesterday daughters, Amy, Jack and I went to a Goat Centre. Jacks face was a picture when he first saw all these animals close-up. He soon overcame his reservations about these creatures and spent the afternoon happily feeding them cabbage. Amy's Mummy showed that her recovery from the CS was complete by launching herself on to a trampoline, bouncing away quite happily, even attempting a few moves.
