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Sharing a secret
Two weeks ago I was sworn to secrecy by Jacks Mummy, she was pregnant. They were really excited, but apprehensive after what happened in March, and so had decided not to tell anyone else until it was obvious. 5 o clock yesterday came the call I had been dreading, 'It's happening again, I'm bleeding'. Her other half was not due back from work for another 2 hours, she was really distressed, and I could hear Jack, obviously worried, in the background. Amy's Daddy had just picked her up from me so I was free to drive like a maniac over to daughter. When I got there we had a cuddle, and a cry, I checked that she was not in need of A&E, she was pale and had some pain, but what she really needed was to lie down so I tucked her up on the sofa whilst I bathed Jack and got him ready for bed. That done the three of us all snuggled up together under the duvet and waited for Jacks Daddy to get home. Leaving strict instructions about who to call if the situation worsened I headed home. In my absence Hubby had arrived home from golf, he had apparently opened the front door, and fallen on top of the bags of shopping I had been about to put away when the phone rang. Picking himself, and some of the shopping up, he had headed into the kitchen where Thomas the Tank Engine and a particularly vicious police motorcycle had lain in wait for him, he suffered a badly stubbed toe. I was reprimanded for my inability to tidy as I go.
Today Amy and I went over to Jack's where the three of us played happily all day. Daughter was obviously down but things appear to have settled. She has a scan on Monday so we are all keeping open minds until then. What we are all remembering though is last time, things went on like this for weeks, just when we thought we were on the home straight a scan showed baby had died, so even if the scan shows a beating heart on Monday, in 10 weeks time things might still go wrong.
Just copying an idea from Nicola
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Who knows if/when I will get to put my blog back together.
See you, I hope, on the 'other' side.
And now....the end is near
What is this all about? How to make things as difficult as possible? Confuse a midwife in one easy move? I'm going to give this a try for a week, I won't give up too easily, but I have to say I liked blogging because it was a form of de-stressing/relaxation not some kind of jingoistic maze that I have got to learn to navigate, and then make sense of all sorts of 'computery' stuff. It used to be fun.
Of work and play
Still here! Can anyone out there tell me, in simple language, how to put the name of my blog in larger letters?
Right, on with my blog. Warning - Do not get suncream in babies eyes. Amy has such pale skin that she is almost blue so we are really diligent about hats, suncream, covering up etc. Today the Thursday club came back to mine after the music for toddlers group, I had set up the garden with all the paraphernalia for entertaining toddlers on a hot day, paddling pool, sun tent, towels, toys blankets, Pimms........well the Pimms was for the adults, and I was looking forward to a good chat and catching a few rays. Instead I spent 2 hours consoling a very sad little girl whose eyes had puffed up, were sensitive to the light, and were obviously really sore, essentially Amy and Nanny were stuck indoors whilst everyone else, including the person who smeared the suncream in Amy's eyes, enjoyed the food, drink and sunshine.
Jack's Mummy had a scan on Monday, baby and heartbeat seen, repeat scan in 6 weeks if nothing else happens before then. Tomorrow and Saturday Jack is staying with Nanny and Grandad whilst his Mummy and Daddy go away for couple of days, I hope the weather stays fine, childcare is so much easier when you can be outside.
Work continues to stress me out. I feel really bitter toward the government, there's no point blaming the managers, or even the Trust board, for the changes that are being implemented. I can't speak for other units, or even other areas within our Trust, but I do know that the effects of the cutbacks we are having to make will definitely affect care, and I am afraid could easily lead to adverse outcomes. I don't want to be deliberately placed in this position. The other day I visited a couple who had just had their third baby and the husband was saying how amazing midwives are, and how we should be paid more. I started to come out with my usual response ' It's such a rewarding job, the money would be good but I gain satisfaction from giving good care and seeing women through their pregnancies, birth and afterwards, so more money is not an incentive to do the job', and I suddenly realised halfway through that it isn't true anymore, my job satisfaction has been eroded to such an extent that the 'happiness' element, which compensated for the pay and conditions, has been replaced by an 'angst' component which is overshadowing everything, I'm doing the job I trained for and that I loved.
Now for the really bad news - the World Cup starts tomorrow. Enough said.
Shortened versions
I am due for my IPR so I phoned up my manager to arrange said interview (if I don't have it I don't get my increment) and also to show her the proof of identity that I need to be able to access the new computer system. Yes, my line manager, who has known me for 6 years, who has photocopies of my passport; registration as a midwife; NMC number and driving licence plus records of my employment history and a police clearance has to see more proof of identity before I can tap away on a computer. Anyway, back to IPR, appointment made but she reminded me to bring my KSF document, NMC PIN number, job description, and show her my progress with K2. "AOK" was my chirpy response, nervous laughter was hers. I am now frantically trying to unearth these abbreviations PDQ.
Another phonecall, this time to the company who supply our phone, TV and broadband, also known by an abbreviation. My intention was to see if I could lower our service charge, I started softly , softly, got nowhere so upped the ante and said I was investigating other suppliers, immediate £20/month reduction - success.
Amy, my little butterball, took 8 steps yesterday, then her Daddy accidentally shut her fingers in the stairgate, she has declined all offers of walking since. Earlier he had taken her for her MMR, she must be really wary of him now.
Jacks Mummy had some exciting news at the weekend, her partner proposed. She is now sporting an engagement ring and collecting brochures about weddings in faraway places. The event is scheduled for 2008, this is to give us enough time to save up to go and also to, hopefully, ensure that baby number two has arrived.
My jobshare partner has applied for a job outside the NHS and nothing to do with health care. I've been named as a referee, why thankyou so much, you get this job and my job could be threatened, I'd be any easy target in this culture of cutbacks.
Trivia
Quiet time. Amy is on holiday with her Mummy and Daddy so I have two weeks where my days off work are mine, all mine....sort of. Yesterday Hubby and I were summoned to Son's 'nearly' house, the vendor has been kind enough to let them have the keys prior to completion so they are round there sorting things out. One of the things that needed sorting was the flush for the WC, it was pathetic, so off we went with assorted tools. I am always nervous about Hubby and plumbing, last year he flooded daughters downstairs, whilst tightening a connection in her bathroom it snapped. Several years ago he put a nail through a central heating pipe and created a geyser effect on the landing which led to a waterfall in the kitchen, and only this year, in an attempt to clear a blockage in our central heating, he caused all the rads to start leaking, and made the blockage worse. Anyway, 2 hours after he started on the cistern their 'nearly' bathroom was awash with water, DIL was soaking wet, the dog had padded water through the house, there was no cold water supply upstairs and I was dispatched to Asda for drinks, that was his second mistake. Asda, never been there before so I had to study the clothing and home section, and I was impressed, so impressed that when I returned to 'chez fils' I not only had 4 drinks, but also 2 candles, I tray, I pair of earrings and a bracelet, and I had been gone an hour! Four hours after the mission to provide a torrent in the loo had commenced it was successful, a lot of duck tape was involved though.
Jack was round today and he brought Nanny a pressie, homemade Mr Men biscuits, they were delicious. He also helped me to take down the gazebo. It had been on the patio since Amy's birthday but the guy ropes had worked loose so with todays windy conditions it was threatening to take off, quite disconcerting when sitting under it. Jack was brilliant though, he didn't cry once when the metal poles fell on his head, he was being Nanny's main man, he had a job to do and nothing was going to stop him, not even the cover collapsing all over him. What a star.