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Crystal balls
So just after the latest plan for maternity services was announced this became 'news', is there some kind of tandem effort going on here? Government wants to change things, people are unhappy, so a national newspaper prints an article which highlights shortages within maternity services, hospitals having to close their doors to pregnant women. Perhaps they are attempting to indicate that there are too few midwives to cover too many hospitals but if the number of hospitals were reduced then, voila, problem would be solved. If this is the agenda then it is too simplistic, it is the number of women being cared for that should set the number of midwives employed, not how many hospitals there are.
I'm really pleased to hear that units do close their doors when they are too busy or there are not enough midwives on duty. I know that it is both inconvenient and distressing to women if they are not able to be admitted to the hospital they are 'booked' for, but it is much safer for them to go where there is capacity. Maternity services are rather like A&E in their ability to plan ahead, they can't. As with the emergency departments it is impossible to say from one hour to the next how busy you are going to be, problems arise and labour starts without prior warning. All maternity units request that if you are wanting to go in, for whatever reason, you contact labour ward first and it is so that they can either move staff and/or patients around, or ask you to go to another unit as they cannot physically, or safely, admit you. Midwife numbers alone are not always to blame for a unit closing it's doors to new admissions, if it is physically full it would be ridiculous to allow more women in. This is often the reason that Inductions of Labour are postponed. It would be foolhardy to deliberately initiate labour if staffing levels were low or labour ward was full, although trying to explain this to someone who has geared themselves up for admission to hospital, labour and the birth of their baby is often very difficult.
I spent yesterday and today facilitating a parentcraft class and 'booking' newly pregnant women, and now I feel really low. At parentcraft the women were all 30+ weeks pregnant, usually I would be telling them to give me a ring when they think they are in labour and I would go to the home and see what's going on and if they need to go into hospital, not now though. I was explaining to them that I was being moved to another area and wouldn't be seeing them, or their babies. At the bookings I was introducing myself, if I hadn't cared for them in a previous pregnancy, and then going on to say that I probably wouldn't see them again. It all seems so negative that I feel on the verge of tears most of the time. There are no facts and that's my big problem. I have been told that the change will happen in 3 weeks, but thats it, I can't plan anything. I don't know when the clinics are, who the G.P's are, how the caseload functions, what days I'll be working, nothing at all so I have nothing to occupy the forward planning part of my brain, other than having to say goodbye to my present caseload and how much I'll miss everyone. This doesn't just affect my work life, it also knocks on into my family life, specifically my childcare duties. Presently I know that I always have Wednesday and Thursday off so Amy's Mummy works those days and I care for the little terror. I have no idea if this will continue, if I have to change my days off daughter will have to change her working days or find alternative childcare, she will need advance notice and three weeks, or less, is not enough time. All I can say is that if this goes on for many more days I shall be visiting my G.P for something to help me sleep, just one more thing and I can see myself sliding gracefully over the edge.
Isabel was weighed today by the Health Visitor, 8lbs 3ozs. Daughter must be producing some quality milk there, gaining over a pound in the first two weeks is good going. They are doing really well, it's as if Izzy has been around for months, daughter is so 'together' that she is talking about starting her childminder commitments again next week, I'm urging caution as I really don't want her to take on too much, too soon.
This morning I contacted the RCM, they are a professional body and 'union' for midwives, supposedly they are there to represent midwives, I've generally found them to be fairly useless though. I told them about my 'rotational' issues and they were quite helpful. Yes, the Trust can do it, but no, they have to give more notice than 1 month. Food for thought, so recounted this to Hubby who, ever the positive thinker, said I should just get on with it because 'if you rock the boat they might just do something worse'. Wow, thanks for that, light of my life, my rock.
Thursday sees me back with the Rheumatologist, hopefully he will have some news re my tests and whether I have osteo or rheumatoid arthritis, not sure what difference it will make but it would be good to know what I'm dealing with. It will be interesting if he asked me how my symptoms are though because I have no idea myself. In the snow I had a fall, wham, straight down onto my derriere. My initial thought, as my left hip registered it's immense discomfort, was that I may have broken my hip. Hubby, who was with me at the time didn't really help the situation by exclaiming 'Oh my God, can you move?' and then trying to help me up whilst standing on my jacket and then taking my inability to assume an upright posture as an indication that I had done real damage. The upshot is that I have intact bones but an extremely bruised hip and coccyx, a lower back that is quite uncomfortable and a wrist that is painful to move, difficult then to assess what is caused by the fall and how my joints would really be feeling at this time.
How's this for a snowman? Those are adults walking next to it so it was over 10 feet tall. Needless to say it didn't last too long, those little toads that some people call children soon knocked it down. Still, it brightened up the top of our road for a few hours on Thursday.
Pain in the b*m
This is the second attempt at posting, the last one disappeared off into the ether, not my fault either.
Things are happening really quickly on the changeover at work front. On Friday job-share and I were told when it would all happen, 5th of March. Tomorrow we have a days orientation at the 'new to us' maternity unit, same Trust but very different policies and protocols, quite scary really, I'm bound to break some rule they have. The community midwives function differently as well, they share the care with the G.P's, reduced workload but when you are used to working autonomously there are plenty of opportunities for professional disagreements. Still don't know what days I will be required to work, so childcare for Amy is rather problematic to plan, although Jack and Izzy's Mummy has said she can help out. Clinic on Friday was a sad affair, saying goodbye to women I have known over several years and looked after through two, or three, pregnancies, at least I has an excuse for a final cuddle with the toddlers though. One of the women is head of HR at a local council and she was saying that we should have had more notice, consultation etc. and urged me to battle, she is writing to the HOM, but I feel that there is really no point, it is inevitable and if I put up resistance they will make my life extremely difficult.
On Thursday I saw the rheumatologist, positive news in that I don't have Lupus, I do have OA and RA, but according to the doc most people of my age have some degree of OA so not too bad really. The plan is to monitor my symptoms every 4 months and act when the time is right, quite reassuring really. Doc asked about my symptoms and I explained that it is a bit difficult to judge at the moment as I am still suffering the after effects of a close encounter with an icy, concrete path. He insisted on examining my coccyx, mortifying, pronounced it displaced, offered me an injection into it, no way jose, and has referred me for physio instead. What physio can they do on your tailbone? The mind boggles. I know what would help, not sit on it. First thing in the morning it's not too bad, but by late afternoon I feel like one of those monkeys that has the huge, pink bums, I have to position myself extremely cautiously when sitting, and even bending over or walking is uncomfortable. Now is hardly the time to take time of work though, lots of things to sort out before I depart to pastures new.
Tday Jack and Izzy came to visit Nanny and Grandad. Izzy slept most of the time whilst Jack and Nanny played firefighters. Jack loves volcanos so once he had bored of fighting imaginary fires and rescuing cats from trees my orange pillar candle doubled as an active volcano spewing lava out and threatening everything in the area, especially dinosaurs (another of Jacks favourite things to include in games). Nanny was bedecked in a firemans helmet, complete with flashing light and siren, and gardening gloves, Jack insisted these were worn as 'Lava is super-hot and would burn you really badly, silly Nanny'. This game went on for 2 hours, I did attempt to enlist Grandads help in fighting this natural phenomenon but he was reluctant to take it seriously and was told off by Jack and confined to the sofa, where he had to keep his feet up in case they got burnt by the orange lava. Unfortunately the dinosaurs did not survive the eruption but Jack had saved an egg, so they will return.
Isabel swathed in muslin
Throwing in the towel
Having spent time yesterday pouring out my heart to my blog, as usual, it then did the little trick it's developed, and swallowed the whole entry, this did absolutely nothing for my depressed state so I just went and wallowed in my bed. Bed is just about the most comfortable place at present, it relieves the pressure on my bruised posterior and on my tortured, confused brain.
The days orientation at the 'new to me' maternity unit went well, all the staff were really helpful and friendly, but that is the unit, not the community where I will be working in 10 days time. There has still been no information forthcoming, both managers are on annual leave, about where and when job-share and I will be working. It is so frustrating and so unfair. The midwife who is taking over our patch, the cause of all this upheaval, is coming out with us next week, she knows which days. Then she will be shown around, introduced to the G.P's, practice managers etc. and shown how the caseload functions, all caseloads have slightly different modus operandi, partly dictated by the G.P's, the PCT, the base unit, the users and lastly the midwives. In other words, all are individual units. I have had enough of this complete disorganisation, it's like fighting fog and so at 5am yesterday morning, having not slept all night because my brain is darting around desperately searching for some solid information, I phoned in sick, I believe my exact words were 'I'm off sick. I have no idea for how long. I may never be back, I'll let you know.' Dramatic I suppose but it is allowing my insulted bum to not have to suffer the trauma of having my weight constantly deposited on it and to take the work issues further back in my brain.
On a really happy note though, my friend who was diagnosed with non-hodgkins lymphoma received the results of her latest scan, and ir has responded so well to the chemo that her spleen and nodes have all returned to their normal size. Two more sessions of chemo and then finished, just a review every 3 months. I am so happy, relieved and thankful that I will have a wonderful friend for many more years.
Smile, and the world smiles with you.
I am having a lovely time being off-sick, as long as I don't drive, decidedly uncomfortable.
Wednesday saw me with Jack, Izzy and daughter and I just flopped on the sofa all day. It was so wonderful, there I lay with Izzy lying on my chest and the kitten playing with my earrings, all my cares just hid away and I felt truely happy. Having a little baby nestled against you, their downy hair gently tickling your chin, tiny hands, so perfect, clutching your finger, every so often a little sigh relaxing their body against you, for me that has to be one of the best things ever. As long as I can have my 'fix' of that a couple of times a week I can forget the need for happy pills.
Thursday Amy was with me and was really poorly. The sort of poorly when little ones don't even winge, all they want is affection, and regular doses of Calpol. This suited my plan to remain prostrate as much as possible, we made a little nest on the floor in the sitting-room and we snuggled down together. By mid-morning I had diagnosed an ear infection, so I phoned her Mummy at work and got the go-ahead to take her to the Docs, they are at the same surgery as me so no probs. Hmmm, usual try, try and try again to get through and then a new one on me, 'You will have to phone back after lunch for an appointment, we can't book afternoon appointments in the morning'. Right, start phoning at 2pm, get through at 2.20pm and there are no more appontments, with any doctor. I explained to them that there was another appointment, that it was for my Grand-Daughter and that if I couldn't book it over the phone we would just arrive. The receptionist agreed with me that there was another appointment so mission accomplished, and in the 2 minutes the appointment took Otitis Media was diagnosed (I didn't even offer my thoughts) and antibiotics were prescribed, hopefully they will start their magic soon.
This morning I went for my physio appointment, doubt not the ingenuity of these folk with healing hands, my coccyx was treated to a session with a Magnetron, or something that sounds very similar, have to say it feels no different at present, but I have two more sessions next week so you never know, I may feel that the sceptics are wrong. I shall be returning to work on Monday as I have bought a gel-filled cushion which will hopefully make driving more comfortable, anyway I due to be orientating the midwife who has effected my eviction to pastures new and I would hate to let her down at all.
Just in case I sound too cheery........the three cheques totalling £35,000 from the person Hubby did works last September for were 'stopped' when paid in. SOB. I can see a visit to the solicitors calling.
A non-blogger
As if 20-six swallowing my blog, instead of publishing, was not bad enough, now they have decided to ignore the fact that they have published it and not bloglist it. What little rascals they are.
Back to work tomorrow, I shall be taking my trusty tube of Piroxicam with me, good stuff this, certainly eases my tender posterior, and my gel cushion. The physio was cautious about me returning to work as the seating position in a car places more pressure on the tailbone and since I spend all day in and out of the car it could possibly increase the inflammation. I have decided that I can't know until I try, so I am considering tomorrow a trial, in more ways than one!
Tomorrow also sees the return from leave of the two managers associated with my move to pastures new. I have hopes that the situation will start to become clearer, and some information etc. will be forthcoming. Perhaps there may even be some 'consultation', there hasn't been any so far and apparently there should be if such radical changes take place. I know, this is the NHS, I shouldn't really expect any such consideration from that august body but since this move was 'non-negotiable' some acknowledgement of the effect it has on other aspects of my life, childcare, reduced earnings due to less weekend working, loss of an established pattern of working should be discussed and negotiable. I can but hope.
Any men, log-off now.
I've rabbited on about my coccyx but have left one aspect of the effect quiet, well several really, but thinking it over I will admit now that there was a marked deterioration in my pelvic floor which made life horrid for a couple of weeks. Even though I have taught about, and encouraged women to do their pelvic floor exercises for years, I had never really thought about what the muscles attached to, now I know that one bone they join to is the coccyx so it is bad news if that is damaged and painful as the good old pelvic floor muscles can't work properly. The last couple of weeks have been rather like the first weeks after pushing a baby out, you know you should do them, you need to do them, but for one thing the ability to discover them seems to escape you, and also it increases your discomfort when you do your exercises, it is almost a form of masochism. Anyway, what I am trying to emphasise here is the importance of learning how to do them before you give birth, or fall on your bum!
Next week is Son's birthday, so a(nother) family meal looms large but I shall rejoice as he has had a few worrying months recently but hopefully much of the worry is now resolved. Back in the late summer he phoned me up and said he was filling in an application for personal insurance, and needed to know if there was any family history of cancer. I didn't really pay much attention to be honest, just replied that although my Father liked to scare us with reports that he has bowel cancer, he hasn't really got it, and no one else has either. Over the next couple of weeks he asked other questions, one day about blood tests, a week later about endoscopy, another time about colonoscopy but it wasn't until he asked what blood results show if someone had cancer that I realised all this was referring to him. I questioned him but he just told me there wasn't anything serious, not to worry. Not worry, the boy (man) must be joking, I'm his Mother, it's my job to worry. I enlisted the help of Hubby, told him to take him out and find out what was going on, absolutely useless, do men ever really talk about important stuff, can they? Eventually I sat son down, stuffed bamboo under his nails, attached electrodes where the sun doesn't shine and found out some of what was going on. No specifics about symptoms but at least I found out he was seeing a Gastroenterologist and had undergone a colonoscopy and was waiting for the results of the biopsy. Anyway, he had the results this week, ulcerative colitis, not good news but certainly better than a malignancy. He has started on the drugs, seems very positive, but refuses to accept a link between his symptoms and drinking alcohol, there's none so blind..........takes after his Father you know.