midwife's muse

Today I came the closest ever to just throwing in the towel. Luckily I just clenched my teeth and exited my managers office. Mind you it was a different story when I reached our office, things were thrown, expletives were growled and my total, utter frustration with 'government directives' was voiced. My poor student was shocked at the transformation that was happening before her eyes, the Incredible Hulk had nothing on me, her antidote to the caustic effect a 'chat with the manager' could have on a normally fairly jovial midwife, was to make me a cup of coffee, it worked, until this evening. I'm just ranting here to vent my angst, if people give up reading I understand perfectly.

The day started badly, road works outside the hospital meant that the last mile and a half to work took half an hour. I was still fairly composed though, it was the same for everyone. I listened to my messages, the usual 3 from my 'needy' lady, and one from an ex-patient who had gone to the States but has now returned, pregnant, and was asking how I could be her midwife again. My chest swelled with pride, and my head grew 6 inches, I looked like a pigeon. Then I checked the off-duty, just about to put it down when I noticed I had been put as first on-call the day before my day off. If being on-call were just from 8am until 5pm that would be perfectly acceptable, but it doesn't. On-call is from 8am one day, until 8am the following morning. They've done this before and I have expressed my displeasure, asked that in future they check with me that this is okay, but this time it's impossible, I'm working for another hospital at their Birth Unit on my day off, from 7.30am. In I went to my manager and pointed out the error, she turned into a brick wall, a brick wall with electrified fencing on top of it, and I suspect mines placed at the base. She was having none of it, they need to cover the on-call and I'm the sacrificial lamb. I tentatively banged my head against the brick wall that had suddenly sprung up before me, murmured about days off, can't expect me to be available when I am not supposed to be working, but her resolution was firm. I am thinking grievance. I am also thinking a lot of other things but they are silly and definitely illegal.

That's the anger unloaded. Now comes what makes me want to give it all up. Government directives, as a community midwife nearly everything I do is now decided by these endless pieces of paper from faceless bureaucrats. Update this way of asking a question, fill in this form, audit that activity, etc. Today came the straw that broke the camels back, or in my case the edict that made me question my vocation, really trivial, but that's what the straw is all about. Active Birth Classes. They are my baby, something that for 2 hours, bi-monthly refreshes my belief in Midwifery. I've got to stop them. The Government wants me to facilitate breast-feeding workshops instead. If my women didn't breast-feed I would have more sympathy with the divertion of my attentions, but I have a 90% breast-feeding rate when I discharge my Mums to the Health Visitor. However, the hospital had a 22%+ section rate before I started Active Birth Classes, that's now down to 20%. I can't, or won't take all the credit, but certainly the classes have played a part in the reduction. It's not a Government Initiative (extra funding) though, so bye-bye to my initiative.

There. that's it. If anyone knows of a job where my C.V as a midwife would come in handy then please let me know. Nice little job working for one of the baby milk companies is being advertised at the moment, it could be a sweet revenge doing that and encouraging women to bottle-feed.

7.11.05 22:10