midwife's muse

Amazing memory

I know where I was, who I was with, what I was doing and what I was wearing exactly 30 years ago, I was in labour with my eldest daughter. I would not count the 22 hours it took to bring her into the world as the most enjoyable time I have ever experienced, in fact to describe them as my own personal hell would be a pretty fair description, but that's  just about what I expected. I suppose I must be a bit of a pragmatist, I accepted that labour was going to be hard work, why call it that if it was not about to be an out of the ordinary exertion, and anyone with any brain would realise that encouraging a miniature human being to descend down a close-fitting muscular tube and through a  resistant opening was going to take some doing. Being induced didn't really help to ease the whole experience, a green-soap enema and 'through-shave' were enough to cause knees to shake but the breaking of waters with no prior preparation of an innocent cervix was a protracted, invasive highly uncomfortable experience. Attitudes were very different though, no one felt they owed you any explanation of what, or why, they did anything, and you would certainly not be consulted about your wishes by the midwives, and the Doctors made every decision. That is how things were and that was what you expected. About 5 hours into labour the midwife came in and made dire predictions about how poorly my labour would progress due to baby's position and  advised me to have an epidural, in those days they were something offered to you as a last resort, but I refused and as a result I couldn't get any pain-relief until she went off-shift. As soon as she had left another midwife came and gave me my pethidine, nowadays the first midwife would have been in trouble as I would have complained, then it was just accepted as how powerless you are in hospital but for me there was also a sub-text affecting how I behaved. It goes something along the lines of...'when you are giving birth you are not ill, the pain does not indicate that there is anything wrong, in fact having the pain is the right thing, it is your body working as it should, it is normal and why should I expect the midwives and doctors to cosset me, treat me as an invalid and control my symptoms when there is nothing wrong with me?' Pretty hard line really, I've adapted my attitudes over the years, times and people change but I do still believe that if we viewed pregnancy and childbirth as less a medical 'issue', something to be controlled and more a normal process we would have less problems associated with it and fewer complaints about unfulfilled expectations. I have a feeling we are going so far now trying to dangle hopes of wonderful, spiritual experiences that we are in danger of causing women more emotional trauma when the reality of childbirth happens and it's basic, raw and painful. I described the birth of my eldest as 'my own personal hell', it was but that is just about what I expected. I would have liked to avoid repeating that experience, but I wasn't left psychologically scarred, I chalked it up to experience, vowed never to return to that hospital, and got on with caring for my healthy newborn baby girl. 

Yes, today Amy's Mummy is 30 years old and she feels depressed about it, how does she think I feel, I now have a middle-aged daughter. Tonight Amy is staying with us while her Mummy and Daddy celebrate, and tomorrow there is a summoning of the clan and a family meal. 

3.2.07 04:17