Unfulfilling
Have just returned from the Primary Care conference in Birmingham and rather than filling me with renewed vigour to face the challenge of midwifery in a rapidly changing environment it has succeeded in making me even more demoralised. Midwife after midwife voiced how they felt unable to carry out their role as they believed it should be and the exultation's of speakers as to how the profession could improve if we pushed for it often fell on such dampened spirits that any fire in them was soon extinguished. I'm not sure how life can be breathed back now, so many changes, too much paperwork, women's high expectations, litigation and frequent attacks from lay people, I allude here to a couple of NCT 'midwife bashers', have left too many of us wondering why we are battling to be midwives. As the midwife in the Panorama documentary said, as she packed to emigrate, 'it's not the job I trained to do.'
I did enjoy the interaction, the exhibition was profitable for me, not just due to the number of pens I obtained, but also because I was given two leads regarding jobs, one in the pharmaceutical industry and the other with an educational facility. Later I shall update my CV, send it off and wait and see.
Tomorrow the family are descending, en-masse, on Brands Hatch to watch SIL race, probably his last one as his funds are running out. The weather looks as if it will be horrid but we have been offered a corporate box so us softy girls can at least keep warm whilst the men patrol the track and pits.
Amy and her Mummy came round this morning and we had a good talk about tentative plans for when Van and Lorry put in an appearance. On Wednesday she has a consultant appointment and another scan, I'm hoping that she will be given a date for her section, weeks away yet but it will give me time to request the fortnight off work. She also questioned me about what to do if something happens whilst she is at work, difficult to answer really as there as so many scenarios, so the best advice I could offer was if it seems non-urgent get someone to drive you to the hospital you are booked at but if it seems urgent then call an ambulance and they will take you to the nearest, most appropriate one. That is the nub of the question really, what 'something' is she thinking of? For the first time today she voiced her fear of the twins arriving really early. I think this is possibly due to the rate at which her bump is growing, day by day it is increasing, and so she is now sure that she will have them before the 36weeks planned by the consultant. Already she is experiencing breathlessness, it is uncomfortable for her to bend forward as it feels tender at the top of her bump, and getting to sleep is difficult as, which ever side she lies on, one of the babies objects and starts to kick madly. Whilst we were on the subject of prem birth I broached the shortage of NICU cots and the chance that the babies could end up in different units, luckily she had already appreciated that because of her sister's threatened prem birth with Izzy and the treat of a journey to Bristol. Once she gets to 28 weeks I will begin to feel much more positive and every day past that milestone will be a blessing.
I see whilst I was away in Brum that NHS blog doctor has been scribing about free-birthers and independant midwives, interesting entry causing much debate about the right of the unborn baby. If only I had a laptop then I would have picked up on it earlier and commented.
If anyone is interested in the Independant Midwives lack of insurance debate then please look here my favourite G.P has given this blog a mention in his BritMed weekly awards, I love a good mud-slinging fest.